South America
A boat disappeared on a foggy morning the coast of Brazil. The boat reappeared when the fog disappeared. It disappeared again when the fog reappeared, only to reappear again when the fog thinned, then to disappear once more for all eternity never to be seen henceforth. None were harmed.
New York
A man with no attention for detail claimed he was robbed by a man with a face, spaghetti for arms, and two foot sized rocks for feet.
France
CEO of Perfume Empire loudly farted throughout his quarterly meeting. The room continued to smell like lilacs.
Markets
Apple stock plummets. Orange stock skyrockets. Unrelated.
Middle East
Jesus came back to get his headphones. Left again. (reascended)
Indonesia
A dormant volcano off the island of Java erupted. Through the thick plumes of poisonous gas, many reportedly heard the Volcano yell, “Dormant, my ass. I’m a Volcano. Don’t fuck with me.”
Chicago
The comedy team GREAT WHITE SHARTS are the newest hires on the acclaimed late night program, PRIMETIMESKETCH.
The Endless Abyss
The echoes of eternal nothingness were cited for a noise violation.
Romania
Supreme Director Radis Mabunchkin took control of the country after a successful military coup, immediately declaring, “I didn’t think that would work. What do I do now? Can somebody help me please?”